I’ve been edging near an existential crisis the last few days. My hubby pointed out that I tend to do this around every major life event in his life. Nice. I’m so glad I do that. Noted.
My crisis is nothing cataclysmic. It’s a question of whether I’m operating in my calling to the fullest. And deeper still. How is what I’m doing, consuming, thinking, etc. impacting that calling?
I don’t mean am I doing a good job as a mother or friend or writer or wife, etc. I mean am I pursuing with ambition and intention the calling on me? Am I reflecting daily on the specific steps I am taking? What am I holding on to that can show me what I should be doing and where I should be going?
Or am I just walking? Am I just going where the wind, my will, or whatever pokes takes me? My spirit tends to drift, as does everything else that runs behind it. My motivation, my choices, my decisions, my frame of mind follow.
The answer is that much of the time my day winds up and down without consciously prioritizing action. I let the habits of the daily things that just need to happen swarm in. I don’t carve out time to look at the bigger question of where am I headed, who am I taking with me, and what understanding or wisdom is directing these choices. Furthermore, I forget that the answer to that question impacts those things I do daily.
Nine times out of 10 it’s my own wisdom gained by experience and books and people that’s taking me places. And I don’t think that that all should be tossed. But I must acknowledge my understanding is incomplete and growing, and needs a place to anchor itself.
My existential crisis comes in light of a second question too, which is what am I consuming? What wisdom and whose wisdom is informing these choices, conscious and otherwise–knowing that most of them are in the otherwise camp.
Consuming things is so much easier than producing them. Whether it’s friends’ photos of a party, news, views, food, jokes, baking bread or a brand new book, whatever it is, consuming is far easier than doing. But here is the thing. I spend so much of my day producing by routine–making lunches, chasing cubs, cleaning things that I’ve got to take a look at what is informing even those habitual actions. What are the things I’m consuming? They they will impact the things I produce–the words, the choices, the ambitions, and ultimately the very thing called life.
I love wise words and cling to them, and among my favorite are Proverbs’ words: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path.
There is no magic here. Along the path of life, in all my ways, acknowledge him, tell him, show him, submit before him the next thing, action, thought, words, as I am guided to. The promise is simple. He will provide direction. It may not be banner-big or come with a flashing sign, but he promises that his way will be a secure one.
To help myself put some action into these words, I am taking a November challenge to latch onto one chapter per day from Proverbs. I want to seek out the promises that I find and then to list them, to blog them, to share them, and to see where intentionally consuming words from the Lord leads!
Anyone else interested in joining me in this wisdom pursuit for November?