I miss you all so terribly

So that the idea is out of the way completely, life living in Southern Indiana is anything but awful. In fact, it’s wonderful in many, many ways. From innumerable corn and soybean fields in my vision to nightly sunsets that dazzle, to new friends, new places to eat, and one of the cutest little towns to walk, there is so much that I completely love about our new not-so-little home here.

But the truth of just how much I miss the life we left just a few months ago is sometimes stronger. At least this past weekend it was. I miss you all so terribly. Elephant tears terribly.

Perhaps it was a silly argument that sparked the waterworks. Maybe it was hitting 30 weeks of pregnancy. Less sleep than necessary. More junk food than necessary. The anniversary of our miscarriage. Maybe it was only the comfort and delight of several chilly air and autumn mornings. Who knows what really spawns these things….but Sunday I could not keep from the onslaught of sadness.

I believe the experts, though the exact name of these wonderful persons eludes me now, refer to the first something between 0-6 months in a new place as the honeymoon period. While I wouldn’t say I typically have experienced a true honeymoon phase when I’ve started life anew somewhere, I can point in each case to when that period ended.

Because it typically was marked by a day of flat out red-faced crying.

Okay, reality has finally hit. We live in a new place, a new state, a new neighborhood. We don’t have our familiar Kroger or Publix. No library park. No random get-up-and-go meet so and so for coffee…..well, not yet.

In its place, however, we have a riverfront walkway! The greenest yard I’ve definitely ever daily walked my feet through. Carpet and walls and clothes and things to clean and organize. And church that is already talking about a Christmas festival! (I am getting the feeling that Christmas is a big deal here–very exciting).

So the wonderfuls of the past and the extraordinaries of the now have converged. They don’t displace each other really. I’m not sitting here comparing daily how I love thee Newburgh or how I miss thee Nashville.

But just for a minute I must acknowledge that we have arrived. We are ready to settle. It’s just that in this minute and these last few days, the outcome of recognizing this excellent news in my deepest heart has been that longing for connection–the only piece of the puzzle right now I have simply not had enough time to cultivate yet.

I’m 100% sure that a year from now these last few days will seem like a blip in my life. I’m certain they will. And it’s not my goal to garner sympathy or sad faces from friends new or old. Not at all, just that it’s okay to say you miss people, that you miss how things were and in the big moments of life, in the closings out of honeymoon phases, it’s quite okay to acknowledge how much you did love the connections and friendships and coffee dates and walks and studies and laughs of yore.

I am thankful for the way God has constantly blessed me to the full with friends throughout the various places of life I’ve walked. We do love it here in Southern Indiana.

Now it’s time for my emotions to catch up!!!

One thought on “I miss you all so terribly

  1. Amber we will see you Friday evening and we can have a coffee date and walk and show us around your new town and who knows, maybe we will move your way some day. I miss you terribly as well, you are definitely one of my closest dearest friends even though you are now 2 hours away. Love you and the Bear Cubs!

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