If there is even one…

If there is even one goldfish cracker to be found…specifically in my house, I will struggle for days to resist it and then I will corner it, eye it, and finally eat it. That is, if I’m relying on my personal will-power.

I am the first one to admit my weaknesses about food. But those aren’t the only things I struggle with–actually, that one is just my most socially-acceptable one! My other doubts, worry, fears, and issues with self-confidence would make you all cringe and pity me. (Don’t worry, I won’t list them!)

Really there is no lack of shortcomings on display for us all to see these days with social media at our fingertips. I display my own constantly and ask for advice and tips on dealing with them pretty much daily. It’s not my superhero friends, my superhuman management skills, or my superman husband who get me through it. I mean they help for sure.

Rather, it’s the Lord who gives me strength to deal with my weaknesses and to be strong in the midst of pressures, desires gone haywire (yes even with something as silly as goldfish crackers) and life’s daily challenges. I remind myself that the Lord promises to be with me. But sometimes I forget His promise.

Be strong and courageous. The Lord is with you. 

I’ve had this verse paraphrased and scrawled out on a chalkboard in our family room for three months now. A good thing too.

I’m not just a person with lots of weaknesses.

I’m a person with lots of fear too.

Really. My name and courage are far flung from each other. Anytime I sense someone is about to disagree with me or even have a disagreement in my presence, I start to panic inside. In these moments, I would rather be banished to a remote island with nothing but wildlife and nature to accompany me than to confront someone, disagree with them, or even witness a disagreement.

But again, all of this stems from a reliance on myself to overcome my weaknesses and fears.

So these last three months while problems have popped up more annoyingly than the moles in a whack-a-mole game appear, I have found myself glancing back at that chalkboard and reminding myself of the truth.

I cannot be strong by myself.

I cannot be courageous on my own.

But the promise of God is that He will be with me wherever I go. It’s only up to me to acknowledge that promise.  The more I do that, the less I perceive myself as a weak, fragile thing and the more I recognize a supernatural strength that gives me what I need to pick up and go. The more I believe this, the less I wallow in my flaws and fears, and the more I see the path lit in front of me and gain the confidence I need to walk on it.

In the meantime, I’m still working hard to do things like keep goldfish crackers from entering my home. But they just keep sneaking in. I think I’ll have to talk to my superman husband about that…


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