Friends, Maids and the Virtual Crowd

About four and a half years ago I mass texted everybody in my contact list.

“I’m engaged!” It said.

The message went out to something like forty people. I probably got close to forty responses. I know I was worried (after the fact) that I’d exceeded my plan’s allowance for texts. No way would I get that same ratio of responses now via FB with its algorithm of pre-selecting who sees my updates and posts and pics.

Oh the good ol’e times…

After the engagement texts, all the important calls. To parents, to grandparents. To those people who hadn’t yet caught up with the cellular age. (Now those same people are trying to get up to speed at Facebook and Instagram. Pinterest. Maybe Houzz and others…

“Will you be my maid of honor? My bridesmaids?” The next set of questions. In all the rush and whirl of taking care of business and etiquette around informing and organizing and planning, it never occurred to me to think about those six girls and whether they were best for for the job, the honor, of standing up in my wedding on my big day.

The people who stand up in your wedding should be meaningfully chosen and not just selected based on being family or college roomies. Now I probably should have chosen my college roommate or actually I might have been better off if I’d only chosen family members.

Regardless, they should be your true friends.

So I came up with some questions I would have wanted my bridesmaids to have been able to answer. Questions that would have showed me the depth of our relationships. 

1. What are my dreams and how will my fiancé impact my journey toward them?

2. What is my middle name? (No peaking at the driver’s license!)

3. How has our friendship impacted you?

4. If we weren’t (family, roommates, etc) would you and I be friends?

5. What is my signature strength? And my signature weakness?

6. Do you believe 100 percent that this person I am marrying is absolutely right for me, will stand by me completely and that together from our union the efforts, environment and circles we impact will be improved in significantly better ways than if we were not?

7. Have you and I had it out about anything before? How did we grow from it?

8. How do you imagine future spouses, friends, geographic locations, children, careers or other commitments will impact our relationship?

I’m surprised today that I haven’t had a meaningful conversation with four of my six bridesmaids since then. Three of the six I haven’t seen in years. But if I think about how many weddings I was a bridesmaid for…well, my count isn’t that great either when it comes to keeping up with them!

Rather my now-resolution I have now is to be more intentional with the friends I have now, be they family or colleagues or otherwise.

Because I’d much rather enjoy the moments now than sit wistfully flipping through photos of people who I haven’t been able to keep up with in years. Or worse–to be stuck with no face to face friends at all, scrolling through Facebook with a host of virtual friends, likes and comments.


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